Last night Gman was taking a bath and I had my feet in the tub with him. As I was getting them out to get a towel to get him out, he started to try and pinch me with a pair of plastic pliers that he plays with in the tub. I said “Now why would you want to do that?” and his response broke my heart. He said, “Because I am an evil, evil boy.” Seriously, even just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I immediately stopped what I was doing and got up as close to him as I could and asked him if anyone had told him that. He wouldn’t make eye contact, but I persisted and he ended up saying he was just joking. I don’t buy it. I think my bad attitude has affected him. I think I yell WAY too much and tell him that he’s being a bad boy or mean and I think he has internalized it. I think I am a horrible mother. No wonder God has answered my prayers for another child with a resounding NO. I’m screwing up the one I have so bad that it would be injustice to send me a second one. The other day he said he was a “mean boy” and I corrected him, but obviously I’m doing it wrong and making him think there is something wrong or bad with him. He’s only 3 [going on 4], he shouldn’t think he’s bad. He is a boy and he is a 3 year old boy. He’s mischievous and a bit rough [okay, a lot rough]. He doesn’t understand why it isn’t funny to hurt people. This morning while we were saying our prayers I made sure to thank God for my wonderful son and say how blessed I was to have him and how wonderful I think he is and how good. How can I teach him to be kind? How can I teach him to be the wonderful little boy I know he can be without making him feel bad about himself. Oh God, please help me to be the mother you want me to be, help me to lead my son to love Your Son and to be the man you want him to be. I am feeling so lost and horrible and helpless. Please God, help me.
Monday, June 29, 2009
I messed up
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Fried tomatoes
I had fried tomatoes at a restaurant the other day and they were delicious. I tried to make them for dinner Tuesday night, but something wasn’t quite right. I used milk as the liquid to adhere the breading, which I think was the first problem. I used too much basil [fresh from my garden – I got a little overzealous in my excitement to use home grown stuff]. The breading wasn’t spicy enough. Too much balsamic vinegar.
My recipe was
2 large, not over-ripe red tomatoes, sliced evenly
Milk
Bread crumbs
¾ lb Bacon, fried
Drizzle of balsamic vinegar
Mozzarella ball, thinly sliced
S and P to taste
Cook the bacon, drain on paper towels and reserve the drippings in the skillet. Dip tomato slices into the milk then into the bread crumbs. Pat to make sure crumbs adhere. Fry tomatoes in the bacon grease. Remove to a plate. Snip fresh basil over tomatoes. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar. Top with Mozzarella slice and bacon. S and P to taste.
Next time I think I am going to use egg or an egg/milk mix for the liquid and cracker crumbs ground in the food processer with a little Italian seasoning and some cayenne pepper. I’ll also be a little more judicious in my use of the balsamic vinegar and basil. Too much of a good thing, I guess. I’ll also take out most of the bacon grease and only use what I need to brown the tomatoes. I think they got soggy from too much grease.
Tuesday
Got a bit of a late start today. Needed to be at work by 7 and didn’t leave until then. Had to skip lunch in order to get out on time so that I could pick up Gman before 4 when is when the babysitter needed to leave. Usually he stays until later, 5 or so, which made it nice to have more time with him today. My friend had a daughter who is almost 14 and she came over to “play” – she thinks of it as babysitting, but since I’m there I think of it more as distracting or playing. Gman definitely thinks he’s having a play date – so I managed to get the floors swept and mopped [wood with Murphy’s Oil Soap and tile with just rags and water], the laundry in the dryer and then folded, dinner made [hot dog and oranges for the boy, nuggets for the babysitter along with part of my dinner, more later], the kitchen cleaned, the dishwasher started, meat thawed for dinner Thursday [it needs to marinate]. Gman and the young lady played in his room, read books, played for a bit outside with the sprinkler, watched a bit of RESCUE RANGERS, and let me get it all done. Although, when I was cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, Gman did come and complain that he didn’t want to play with S anymore because she didn’t’ play right [she was trying to teach him how to play a memory game and he just likes to throw the cards at this point]. He then climbed on my back and tried to ride me like a horse. S came to my rescue and just chased him around the house. He so needs a sibling. I’m sure that S, oldest of 6, is used to teaching her siblings how to play games, and I know that they look up to her and try to mimic her. Unfortunately, my little tyrant is used to having his own way. He spent most of the time dictating what to play and when things weren’t exactly to his satisfaction, he left. I am so worried about this. How is he going to survive preschool let alone make any friends. No one is going to want to play with such a bossy little tyrant. And as he’s the oldest at the regular babysitter’s house, he’s used to being in charge. Does anyone know how I can fix this? Help.
50 Book Challenge books
The Woman Who Walked into Doors by Roddy Doyle
Evil Without a Face by Jordan Dane
Atticus: Novel, A by Ron Hansen
Pictures of Hollis Woods by Patricia Reilly Giff
The Burnt House by Faye Kellerman
A Silver Lining = If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern
Fish Out of Water (Fred the Mermaid, Book 3) by MaryJanice Davidson
Royally Jacked by Niki Burnham
The Royal Pain (Alaskan Royal Family, Book 2) by MaryJanice Davidson
Enchanted, Inc. (Katie Chandler, Book 1) by Shanna Swendson
The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
No One Left To Tell by Jordan Dane
Rowan of Rin (Rowan of Rin #1) by Emily Rodda
An Assembly Such as This: A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman… by Pamela Aidan
Austenland: A Novel by Shannon Hale
Who Killed My Daughter? by Lois Duncan
The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
Boy Proof by Cecil Castellucci
The Rivers Run Dry by Sibella Giorello
An Ice Cold Grave by Charlaine Harris
Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love Stuart Little by Peggy Gifford
The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey (Mysterious… by Trenton Lee Stewart
The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan
Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson
The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry
Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris
Al Capone Does My Shirts by Gennifer Choldenko
The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson & the Titans Curse
The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan
Everything on a Waffle by Polly Horvath
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
Skin Trade by Laurell K. Hamilton
These Three Remain: A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman by Pamela Aidan
Duty and Desire: A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman (Fitzwilliam… by Pamela Aidan
Undead and Unworthy by MaryJanice Davidson
My list of books for the 50 book challenge over at Librarything. More than 50, but some were very short. It’s only the middle of June, so hopefully I can make it to 100, 75 at the very least!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Book Review
#14 The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Wow, what a great book. I can't wait for the sequels. The part that I liked best was how pragmatic Katniss, the heroine, was. There were so many ways that the author could have made her weaker or soft, but that wouldn't have been in keeping with her character of the life she was being forced to live. Not an uplifting book, but action packed and almost impossible to put down.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
book reviews
#45 The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
#46 Everything on a Waffle by Polly Horvath
#44 was an interesting book. The basic premise is that when you die, you take a ship to a place called Elsewhere where you proceed to age backward until you are a week old and then you're sent down the river (which is in the middle of the Ocean) back to Earth as a baby and you start over. A very interesting concept of the afterlife, even if I totally disagree with it. Again, no judgement, but you are met in the afterlife by your closest relative where you live. There are Observation Decks where the deceased can look down on their living loved ones. There is a place called the Well (forbidden) where the deceased can attempt to contact the living. It was an okay book, however, the character development really needed to be fleshed out more. Still, I did enjoy it.
#45 was a typical "orphan girl" book. The heroine is mad at the world, steals, lies, mistreats everyone especially the kindly foster mother and brother who take her in all because of her need for her "real" mother. The story was okay, but it could have been more developed. I don't understand why authors write down to kids. The Harry Potter phenomenon has shown that a more complex plot and highly developed characters really appeal to kids. Granted this book was written in 1978, but it was like a speed boat, skimming along the surface, when it could have been a submarine, exploring the depths of the human experience. In addition, I didn't get closure at the end. I don't know what happened and I always like to know the direction the author intended us to go - did she go back to the foster family or did she end up with her "real" family.
#46 was cute, but really shallow. The heroine's parents are lost at sea and she alone thinks they are still alive. The cast of characters was interesting and well developed, the plot however, was shallow and could have been more. The one thing that REALLY made me mad was the presentation of the heroine's parents. The book starts out with a storm at sea and her dad is out fishing (he's a commercial fisherman) and his ship hasn't come in so her mother gets in their little skiff and goes out in the middle of a storm to find him. LEAVING HER DAUGHTER ALONE!!! That makes me furious. And all throughout the book this is portrayed as some great love, that the mother is willing to die to save her husband. What about the kid? What about the person who is completely dependent on her parents? The child has no real rights and no one to take case of her and her mother leaves her with a babysitter to go find the person who is an adult. I cannot express how awful this is. I love my husband, my best friend, but we both agree that our son comes first. He needs us. And while the idea of someone being your complete other half is wonderful, I cannot even begin to think of what could possibly occur so that I would abandon my child to go and find my husband. My husband can look out for himself, my son cannot. This was my big complaint (among many) about M. Night Shamalan's latest movie - whose name I cannot remember. And now my son is in need of my attention so I must go.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
books
Recently read
The Lace Reader – Brunonia Barry - Loved it
If I Stay – tear jerker
Nothing to Lose – Lee Child – good Reacher story. Don’t know why I like these, but I do.
Working on…
The Blind Assassin – Margaret Atwood
Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
The Children of Men – P. D. James